Friday, 28 March 2014

How to re-establish yourself


Re`es`tab´lish   
v. t.1.To establish anew; to fix or confirm again; to restore; as, to re√ęstablish health.
re-establish - bring back into original existence, use, function, or position

This isn't about re-inventing,
It is not about faking it either,
It's about reaffirming who you always were.

Do you remember when you felt slightly awkward within yourself at school, college or university, maybe even at work? 

You have friends that you get on with, maybe you are seeing a new boyfriend but there is a niggling feeling that you are not enough? That maybe you don't fit in because the friendship group you are part of have all known each other longer and you feel like it is a massive effort to make sure you do fit in, to like the same things or convey the same attitude. Maybe it is because your new partner is into different things then you and you want to be able to share those passions even if that means putting yours aside.

Perhaps you know that you are trying too hard, pushing ever so slightly to keep up with others, to come across a bit more laid back then you actually are. You have become afraid to differ in anyway.

All the while you are still showing up as yourself, just with a few added extras that don't need to be there. 

Do you know what that is?

It is part of self-development, it is the evolution of yourself and it is self-preservation.

For example, I'm often seen as the lone wolf kind of girl with a few great friends and have been lucky enough to move round a few social circles. For many reasons at University I found myself stuck in one social circle. It was full of the most energetic, enigmatic, charming funny people, who were supportive and accepting. That doesn't sound to bad does it?

What I found hard to keep up with, was that they partied hard a lot and were always up for a good time. I found it hard to get the balance right for myself and went along for the ride when I probably should have stayed at home,. I found that because I couldn't always keep up with the party and didn't have the same attitude as everyone else, it came across as if I wasn't as laid back, fun or part of the crowd.

I was not being myself and it showed.

These were all my insecurities and I'm sure I let them manifest way to much. I wasn't giving myself the chance to be myself in front of these people and let them get to know me completely.

Once I was out of  Uni, life got in the way as it does and I had a few years away from the party hard group.  Recently there have been more opportunities to reconnect with some of them.

I thought it would be hard. I thought that I would have to go back into the role I played in the past in order to get along with them.

The thing is, that role you played in the past is still part of you. It is still there and it's still works to a certain extent. The key thing to do when re-connecting with past friends, who may remember you differently, is to re-establish yourself. I'm not suggesting that you have to praise yourself in front of others by mentioning that you travel for work, you get paid this much and have a house etc. You don't need to go on about how great you are. That would just be awkward for everyone.

What I mean is, feel confident in yourself now. Find strength in the fact that you know you have grown so much.
You have grown as a person. You know you have changed in subtle ways. You may have the same mannerisms, you may tell the same jokes. How you put them across will be with new assurance and authority. You know yourself and who have become. It does not matter what you were like when they last saw you, that isn't you now.

If in conversation, someone brings something up about your past self that you do not like. Then you have to stick up for yourself.
Reply with something like "oh, I know that was a hard time, I've got through all that now and am feeling so much better. Thanks for asking" or "Yes, I was a bit crazy/ quiet back then, that was a long time ago". Then graciously move on to another topic.

Alternatively nip any conversation in the bud that over exaggerates how you were in the past. I'm not saying be ashamed of the past but if someone is talking about you in the wrong way, it is time to say "hang on, it wasn't quite like that was it".

I had to do that recently and it quite literally stopped someone in their tracks. They remembered me as the quiet one, that was good for a party but a bit of a push over. I'm still mild in temperament and love a party sometimes but nowadays if I hear something I don't like, I say so, I make sure my opinion is heard in a calm manner. I have learned that is okay to be different and that you do not have to agree with everyone else. Most of the time, if you are surround my good people, they will like you anyway.

My quiet confidence surprised some people and I felt so much better for it.

I had re-established myself. 

My true self. The person I know I am and always was.

5 comments:

  1. Fantastic post! Your blog is so uplifting!

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  2. This is a fantastic post, I really like your attitude :) x

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  3. I love this post, so many time's I've just thought 'why am I doing this?' when I'm trying to be someone I'm not. Lovely to read :) Danielle xx

    missdanielle.com

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  4. Love this post and your blog <3

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