Saturday, 14 February 2015

Future Balance

I know, I have not been present on the blog for a while. But I have been present in my own life. At least I have been trying at present to find balance.

Balance is so important.

Balance brings,
With working full time, running, working out, learning how to drive, fund-raise and move house. I began to realise that perhaps I have started saying yes, way too much. I found myself surrounded by possibilities. Exciting possibilities. With my fingers stretched out in to too many pots and I knew that I had to step back.

Regular readers may become fed up with me writing about not being able to find the time to blog. I love my blog and how it has given myself a form a self expression. Writing a wellness blog has also lead me to realise that sometimes, you cannot fit it all in. Life is about priorities. And for a little while, the blog was not a major priority. My wellness on the other hand always will be.

Through balancing my priorities I have been able to work full time, think of blog ideas, research future prospects, begin the process of moving house, run 8 miles and..... I passed my driving test.

The week of my driving test, I stripped back to basics. I kept myself occupied with a few more driving lessons. I revised my show me tell me questions and I took the time to be a calm state as often as possible. For three days I was all about the zen and driving.

I did some deep breathing, I repeated self made mantras.
I told myself "If I am calm, I am capable".

This is why balance is so important. If I had allowed myself to remain stretched out and had not focused my attention when I needed. Who knows, I may have failed. If I had failed I would have felt disappointed and questioned whether I had done enough.

Test day came and there where nerves. But I was at peace with it. I knew, I had put in all the work I could. If I failed, I had done my best.

This weekend I have to try and cover a distance on 10 miles with very little weekday prep. But I will give it my all and know that for the next two months, running a marathon will be my focus and I can balance my lifestyle around the possibility that I can conquer a marathon.

That's what finding a balance does. It brings you belief. You believe in your own possibilities.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Marathon update: I ran 10k today

 Now, to the avid runner this may not be a big thing. For me, a novice runner who has only ever done a 5k. completing a 10k has motivated me to no end. It was hard and it did hurt towards the end but during those 6 miles, I could feel myself pushing myself more and more.

Through this training I have realised how easy it is to let myself give up. Now that I am spending more and more time alone with myself. I find myself alone with my thoughts and sometimes my thoughts lead me to wanting to give up.

To slow down.
To stop moving.
To go no further.

Previous to starting this blog I did alot of slowing down, giving up and going no futher with my dreams. I became very good at talking myself out of taking risks. I was "happy" never progressing because I was affraid of embrassment and failure.

When I am running, as my feet pound the pavement. I know that I am not the most gracefull, that my face is bright red and that I am more than likely running with my mouth wide open like i'm trying to catch flies.

I do stop every now and then. I power walk. I keep moving. When I feel ready, I start running again. This has become my pattern of movement. It might not suit anyone else. It might look stupid to a more experienced runner.

I have learned in the past weeks not to care. I am moving in my own way and I, in my own eyes am succeeding. I have gained confidence in the fact that is my right to be on the same pavement, it's my road to go down as much as anyone elses.

So now when negative thoughts start to flow around my head. I think about why I am doing this, what it means to me and how I would feel if I quit. How would truly feel without all the crap I used to tell myself just to feel better.

Without all the excuses.

I would feel defeated, unaccomplished, dissatisfied.
I would be cheating myself out of finding out more.
More about myself. About what I can accomplish. My true character.

I don't want that anymore. I want to complete 26.2 miles. In any shape or form. I want to do it.

I will do it.

The same applies to life. I have every right to be on the road that is life. I have every right to move down it as I wish. I may not be moving in the same way or heading in the same direction as anyone else. That is okay.
I can go forward and make mistakes. I can push myself and get over embarassment.
Because over that hard hurdle or tough mile could be something so amazing, so grounding, that once you find it you wont want to let go of it.

You wont want to let go of seeing what else you can do.

Go for it.

I am going to be taking part in the London Marathon 2015. If you would like find out more or sponsor me click here.