Thursday, 11 June 2015

It is the best news in a crappy situation



When I got told that there was a very good chance that I had breast cancer, the first thought I had was, "but what else could it be?" and then

fuck. shit. wank.

I cried during the biopsy and I was told that I would have to wait a week to be given a definitive answer.

I had to pull myself together, I needed to go to work as I was only meant to have a half day off, I explained the situation and my boss immediately said go home and gather my thoughts.

I didn't,

Instead I hung out with my best friend, had a nice lunch and did some shopping (retail therapy equals skinny black jeans).

I then had to wait for my boyfriend to come home. I had already told him on the phone. So I made spag bol and waited.

A few tears were wiped away.

A MASSIVE HUG was equally need.

Dinner was served.

And we just ate, chatted about it, looked sadly at each other and then I decided that wanted (needed) to know as much as I could. Good or bad. Mastectomy or no mastectomy, traveling after cancer, turban tying, wig wearing, chemo, operations, everything.

As they say,

know thy enemy 

If I had to have chemo and my hair would fall out, I'd get that short hair I have always thought about and then donate the rest of my hair to charity.
If I have the faulty gene, BRCA1 or BRCA2 then I will not be having children. Harsh but true.
I would not have one mastectomy, I would have a double (bilateral).
I will get breast reconstruction and some kick ass tattoos to cover them.

Of course, I had not seen the doctors yet, I didn't know the diagnosis or their plan.

I didn't want to spend a week not knowing anything and I couldn't keep thinking that it was nothing. So I looked at different scenarios and it comforted me.

I had ups and downs, I hoped it was nothing, I wondered if I would have a mastectomy. Maybe they wouldn't let me. Maybe I should have a lumpectomy and radiation because that has very similar results.

What if, what if?!

You can't keep doing that, it will drain you of all your energy.

Have a plan
 

Even if it is not the plan that you end up using. Have one. See what feels right.

Then, I had to wait.

A week later I was sat at the breast cancer clinic waiting for my diagnosis with my lovely boyfriend, we distracted ourselves by looking through home magazines, looking for inspiration for a our new home.

Then, I get my diagnosis;

Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

SHIT

At 29 years old, a month after completing the London Marathon for Cancer Research, I was being told that I have cancer. A tiny bit of me has started to malfunction, 1.6cms to be exact. I have caught it early and my prognosis at the moment is very positive.

       It's the best news in a crappy situation

I need more tests to ascertain what is going on and if it is actually worse then they originally thought, but preliminary result seem to suggest that it has not spread to my lymph nodes . At the moment the consultant doesn't think I will need chemotherapy. As some of you may remember, my dear Grandma died from cancer when I was 12. This past week I have learned that she had gone through a lot during her last ten years on this planet. She was always so strong, at least, that is how I remember her.

I had already had two doctor appointments before the marathon, I had found a small hard lump in my left breast and it had started to give me a lot of pain. A few days after the marathon, I booked my third doctors appointment and got my referral to the breast care clinic. That was a two week wait. I was told that it was likely to be a cyst, that I was too young.

I have chosen to share this on wellmeaningbeing, because this will forever be part of my life now and I still intend to live well throughout it.
I will still be writing about other topics, but inevitably there are going to be posts about whats going on. My apologies if this has upset anyone or perhaps brought back sad memories. You can choose not to read my posts, if you so wish.

So, for now, I am half way through knowing exactly what is going on. The unknown is still out there in front of me.

It's time to make another plan.


If you need about help or advice dealing with breast cancer you can contact :
 http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/

To make sure that you touch yourself up on the regular check out :
@coppafeelpeople

To read up on how you can support cancer research you can here :
http://www.cancerresearchuk.org





7 comments:

  1. LIZ!
    I'm not a religious person, heck, I went to a very religious school but I came out more sceptical than anything after 5 years. But now I really mean it, I really do when I say my prayers are with you! God that sounds AWFUL and so damn soppy. I hate being soppy. But you're pretty damn amazing, I hope we get to meet again soon at another field trip (uhmmm, when is the next one?! I think we should organise our own!) and spend all of our money on snap peas.
    xxxx

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    1. Hey Annabel, you total sweetheart! i do indeed hope that we can catch up again soon! Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts! mwah xx

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  2. I am with Annabel, sending you all he positive vibes, thoughts and wishes I can. I only met you briefly but I remember how full of life and positivity you are that will see you through. Big hugs Xx

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    1. Hi Ana, i loved our tube chat, it was lovely meeting you. Thank you so much for your kind words. Its going to to be a tough ride but hopefully it will be over in a few months xx

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  3. I cant add much to what the lovely ladies above have said except to say I'm thinking of you 💚💚💚. Lots of extra hugs xxxxx

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  4. Sending you love and keeping you safe in my thoughts. One step at a time. I hope you draw strength from your wonderfully positive outlook. Your blogging friends are right behind you. I am doing race for life next weekend so will be thinking of you x

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  5. Hey Liz, just read this and I'm glad to see you're being as positive as you can with the current situation. Very sorry to hear the news, but I believe you're a strong woman. Hope you can overcome everything and rise above at the end. Sending you love and good vibes. xoxo

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