Sunday, 2 August 2015

When your operation is Cancelled

F.Y.I: I wrote this on Friday. Was going to make a picture, I then felt lazy and didn't.

*insert pretty picture here*

Today, I feel like I am in mourning.

For this morning, I should have awoken in hospital after having my operation to take away the little malfunctioning lump! Alas, this did not happen. After the 7am check in, the not eating from 2am, not drinking water from 6am and the injection in the nipple (OUCH), getting marked up for surgery and even getting a bed and put in a sexy ass patient gown. I was told at 2.15pm that I would not be having my operation.

Because, COMPUTER SAYS NO!

Basically 43 operating theatres broke down when a computer glitch meant that blood transfusions where not working. I could have had my op, but the surgeon felt that because of delays that the surgery would have actually been rushed and he didn't want that.There simply was not enough time. So on the positive, at least I feel cared for. It is shit but I have to think how stressed all those people where when the computers went down, when operations were going on. It must has been awful.

So as I wait for my next operation date I will reflect on how ready I felt for the surgery. It was a long day but everyone, even Nurses commented on how calm I was.

I truly was calm.
Little mantras ran through my mind to keep me focused.
"This is scary, but you are a grown woman and you can do this"

That was my must constant one. Not the most poetic, but it was the most helpful.

Positive thoughts really are very powerful. As long as they mean something to you, the positive words you create for yourself are the best things you can hold in your mind during difficult times. Making mini mantras has really helped me and kept me focused.

I have to preserve the surgeons markings as best I can. This way the whole process wont be as long next time. We hope. So I  have these really cool clear stickers to put over my boob to keep some of the surgeons drawings as crisp as possible. As fate has it, it has meant that the red blob that shows exactly where my stupid lump is has been kept as perfect as possible. So for now I shall "look after" that lump. Just so I know I've done my bit to help remove it! and when it is gone.

I'll think "so long sucker!".


8 comments:

  1. Oh what a shame, that must of been so disappointing and frustrating but you handled it so well. And when you could be PERFECTLY forgiven for 'not coping' or not being calm you somehow still where and managed to see things from someone else's point of view - incredible!!
    Hope you get a new date soon and when you do I'm sure it will all go smoothly xx

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    1. Hi Rachel! Thanks for stopping by. I definitely got upset. Everything was organised with work and family around the operation happening. Now it will happen a week later. Only a week but it seems longer, now that i have to wait again. But soon it will be gone and i can actually find out what treatment I'm getting. You are incredible too!

      Lots of Love! x

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  2. Ah no, I didn't realise you'd gone through all of that and THEN they told you no! That's SO frustrating! And now you can see exactly where the little bugger lump is too! Grrrr. Positive thoughts are key, you can get through this chummy xxx

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    1. Yep all day, that's why it was not annoying. But, equally why positive thoughts are so key! Dont worry i'm telling the lump to not get comfy! x

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  3. Ugh how frustrating!! Difficult anti-climax to quite a build-up. Hope all goes well next week for you, we're all behind you 110%. You're a grown woman and you ARE doing this. xxxxx

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    1. Thank you so much Hephizbah! I know you all are and it really helps to write about on here. It means i can share what i want and get on with my day. Hope you are well! x

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  4. It's so frustrating when they cancel but I guess we have to trust they have your best interests and at least you were given good explanations. Hang on in there, we are all thinking of you & hope a new date comes quickly x

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    1. Yes, frustrating because i was so ready for it. But im trying to see it as a practice run and hopefully i can kept my nerves calm like i didnt next week and soon it will be out! x

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