Wednesday, 16 September 2015

A Lighter Morning

Today was the first morning that I awoke and did not feel sad, worried or down.

Each morning before this one, I have opened my eyes and felt heavy.

The heaviness does lift intermittently but then forces its weight back down on me.

Some days it feels like a ton on my chest.

All my emotions cruppled up in my ribs, crushing my lungs.


Today I awoke, light.

I felt the ease of the morning.

Still sleepy, I dozily went about my morning routine. So blissfully unaware of the past few months.

I didn't associate taking my morning tamoxifen pill with cancer. After 29 days of taking it each morning, without fail, it has become habit. An essential, cancer preventing habit. But today I didn't feel the enormity of it.

I just gulped it down and got on with my morning.

I didn't even look as my scar when dressing.

I drove to work and thought about the day ahead. Not about what if cancer ruins it, what if it will return. Cancer will ruin everything if you let it.

But no more. At least not for this morning.

Today I really felt it.

I really could be / should be cancer free.

I have 11 more radiotherapy sessions to go. I'm half way through.

 It wont ever be over, not really.

But this morning was a hopeful glimpse of the future. Where cancer is not the my first thought of the day.

I really looking forward to it.

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