Tuesday, 10 November 2015

move through the fear to create the change



With all that has been going on, one thing has remained the same.

The need for change. It burned bright deep down inside me. It kept me going, it kept my motivation moving, churning, propelling me forward. I didn't want to stop, I didn't want the thought of cancer stop me from living. So, even though I was tired, I went to work. I worked because I like working, I like doing something with my day.

But the one thing remained the same.

I longed for changed.

So throughout treatment, I promised myself, that if I could make it through the past 4 months and still go to work between the hospital appointments. Still be at my desk by 8am most days and work to the best of my abilities.

I would allow change.

And change scars me.

But if not now, when?

If I don't make a change now, when will the change happen?

I am using the fear of the unknown to move forward.

So two days after I finished active treatment, I handed my notice in. I was honest and open with my boss and he fully appreciated where I was coming from. He asked me to come back to him a week later with what I wanted to do ( to try and make me stay) but I was firm and strong in my decision.

So now we have a plan, I will help find and train my replacement, then once that the hand over is complete, I will be on my way. I don't actually know what is next for me. But that is as exciting as it is scary.

For four years I have known one thing. And before the cancer shit storm, I had hoped that 2015 would be the year I would pursue a career.  A time to invite change. It is time to dust myself off and get myself back in the ring of life. 2015 can end and 2016 will begin with me moving forward positively.

It's time to branch out and try something new, because;

A Change is as good as a rest.

And fear is just a challenge waiting to be conquered.

This is my time

I'm ready.

(this was originally written on the 03/10/15)

4 comments:

  1. So pleased that you have found the catalyst for change in your experience with cancer Liz. It's left me with a strong sense of 'get on with it' too. From the little but I have come to know you, I think you have so much to offer and have no doubt you will find the path that is right for you and find fulfillment xxxxx

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    1. Thank you Annie. It is sad that it came down to a scare that kicked me up the butt! but if not now, when! so i'm doing it and i'm looking forward to seeing where the change takes me. I hope the new year is much more calm for you and nothing else gets in the way so you can "get on with it! " Much love! x

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  2. Well... Scary but exciting times - I am sure you will find what you are looking for and be so glad you pushed yourself to make the change although I am sure it will involve some tough and scary times - you are made of strong stuff so you will get through those tough bits no problem (what's scary about being 'the new girl' when you've kicked cancer's ass?!)
    I wish you the very best of luck, well done for taking the leap.
    Rach xx

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    1. Thank you Rach! thats right... I have definitely been using that mantra to get me through stressful moments. I I've kicked its butt and feel like I managed it okay, not much seems to be a massive deal anymore! (well, for at least most of the time). xx

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