Thursday, 15 September 2016

Hello Friends

I thought I should write something to say HELLO to friends of the blog.
Whether they be old or new!
It seems that since changing over to a new phone it has linked my wellmeaningbeing Instagram (you can follow it here, it has got a lot better due to my new phones fancy new camera!....promise!) to my personal facebook. So I have noticed that quite a few people from my real life have followed my blog life on Instagram.
I wont lie at first I cringed and tried to frantically find a way to un-link my accounts. When I couldn't and decided to calm down, i came to terms with it. If they like it great and if they dont? so what?

For over 2 and a half years, my little slice of the web has been my little wellbeing bubble. I shared my personal experiences in bettering myself, my ups and downs, my trials and my favourite things in life. I have made great friends through twitter (you can follow me here - shameless plug!) and blogging. I have found like minded people who share my interests, I've been to some really fun events and have met some fantastic brands. I love the opportunities that have come around, simply from having the courage to start writing. It's been great fun.

The reason I didn't mix my blog with real life, was because I didn't know how people would feel about cruelty-free, green beauty and actively being mindful of your own personal wellbeing. Because you know, not everyone whats to know your modern day hippie, slightly muddled, maybe even contradictory at times wellness lifestyle musings!
I loved the anonymity of it and it came in handy when even though I have not been writing as much as I used to, wellmeaningbeing was my safe haven during the breast cancer smack-down.

A few friends have known of the blog since the beginning, they read it from time to time and that was it no fuss. I have to be honest I have been wary of writing anything heartfelt since realising that the blog was not as anonymous as I had hoped.

But do you know what? SOD IT!
This is who I am, I blog when I want and this is my space. Take it or leave it. I want to get back into blogging and share with who ever wants to read it.
And do you know what kicked me up the butt?
My lovely sister, yeah, I know, I didn't even tell my sis!
She text me today, saying she had found my Instagram and wanted me to give her the recipe for my marinated aubergine.

And that just set off a light bulb, if someone is interested they will ask. They will let me know if we have a common interest. If they aren't bothered, then they aren't bothered! And that's fine by me. You can't please everyone, so you may as well do what keeps you happy and then see what comes your way.

So here is to blogging and to not worrying who reads it! x

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

One Year Clear

On the 6th of August 2015 I had my first ever operation. It was also an operation that was essentially saving life. It removed the small tumor that would have eventually, if left alone it would have manifested into something much less manageable then what it was when found. And that was scary.

To know that something inside can just turn against you, that some of your cells just don't want to behave is beyond annoying. It's like hang on, are we not all in this together? Why have you got to go fuck it up? Why can't you regenerate properly like the others?

Shit happens.

I've said that I have been down, I have had something hanging over me for a while. I was anxious.
As it has been a year that I had my operation I was due a visit to my lovely surgeon. My scar is twisted and tight some of the muscle has wasted away, I have dents my breast and my scar isn't flat and catches on clothes. It has been suggested that I have a scar revision later in the year. It was during this appointment that I mentioned that I have felt a couple of small lumps in my good breast, the right one. He checked for me to put my mind a ease and then suggested I have an ultrasound and mammogram, as he could feel like too. I wont go into it but there was a moment where they were unsure. And in that moment I relived the panic. I was reminded that I have actually done a a lot of healing.

It was like a massive slap in the face.....a good one. I needed it!

I am actually feeling a lot better, I'm much more comfortable in myself and the dread of that moment, threatened to take it away.

But, then I fortunately I got the all clear. I have to keep an eye out, obviously. I will be for the rest of my life.

But, now I can say that for a whole year, I have been cancer free. And that is an amazing thing.

It is time to move on, this confirmation feels like closure. I'm sure I'll stumble, I'm sure I'll be scared but I can do this. It's taken a full year to process what has gone on. Mentally I am feeling stronger. Dare I say like the old me again?

It is hard to feel happy when you know others are hurting, especially when in the same breathe you hear good news, you know someone else has gotten the bad. I think it is important to stay humble and to always know that you deserve your happiness and just hope that others will get theirs soon.

So here's to good health, wellbeing and happiness! 

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

How watching a Tony Robbins documentary gave me a better sense of wellbeing.

I have just finished watching the documentary Tony Robbins, I am not your guru.

Now, right off the bat I did find the language used by Tony quit extreme. And that comes from someone who does swear a fair bit. That's just a warning in case you decide to watch it after reading this and don't like strong language!

Seriously though, watching Tony Robbin's documentary, I am not your guru gave me a better sense of wellbeing. The documentary follows Tony and a whole host of people who have traveled from near and far to hear Tony's philosophy life and how to be better. It looks like the most intense adult wellbeing summer camp ever!

The two things that stuck with me whilst watching this documentary was Tony's philosophy that we only get what we choose to tolerate and that even though we may have had a lot of shit go on in your life, that you have seriously suffered, may of had a mental break down, have been or are being bullied. These are all things that can shape you in a positive way.

We only get what we tolerate:

This really struck a cord with me, if you carry on accepting what is going on in your life and don't try and change it. If it is making you unhappy, miserable, uncomfortable and you are choosing to tolerate it. Then you wont get anything other that those emotions, experiences and situations. Life will always give you problems, it's how you tolerate them that counts. If you feel like you cannot carry on, that you are so beat down then choose not the tolerate it anymore. Choose to deserve more. Choose you allow yourself the want a better lifestyle. To not feel guilty about wanting to change and letting yourself believe that you deserve better.

I really believe that we are brought up to put up with a lot of crap, to not be selfish, to not show that think highly of yourself. We are basically all self-deprecating.  Or at least I am, and I know many of those around are as well.

Mentally, I have not been where I want to be. I have seriously been tolerating feeling crap and not trying to change it. Hearing Tony's philosophy really rang true. I can change how i feel, I am the one who can go after what ever want, to be happier, to remember to be grateful, to look around to see the beauty of everything around me. To stop being down, to stop thinking of the crap that has happened and just not move past it.

Our experiences, no matter how bad, make us who we are and they make us better for it:

Now this one had my back up a bit. It made be feel really uncomfortable. I'm not going to list of all the crap that has happened, but I will say that a lot of good has also happened. It is just that the bad often over shadows the good. So why was this making me feel so uncomfortable?

I couldn't get past the fact that those who have had bad life experiences, who have gone through some shit can and should use them as life's lessons. To use them in a way that can make you a better person, use it to help other people and put it into action to push you forward when you are down.

I have never really seriously written down all my life experiences and then also written down truthly the lifes lesson that i can learn from it. I've decided that I will write it in a journal, a place where i can privatly and honesly, be open with myself and allow myself to heal and move on.

Because, just perhaps, I have never moved on. After each stubbling block i have never let myself learn from that experience and just let it build up on my shoulders. And then the next crap thing happens and I dont move on, I put that on my shoulders to. So i'm heavy, so heavy that i can;t look up and more and see that there is a way out. That I have chosen to the let everything get on top of me and that I can and should and will go through each and everything and lift them of my shoulders, look at it and move past it.

I will only take the lessons I have learned.

When I first started this blog, that is what I was trying to do. To share life experiences and what I had learned from it. To share my observations and received feedback and hear similar stories from other people.

I'm trying.

I'm trying to get past this last year and I really want to. I need to.

Why did the Tony Robbin's documentary bother me so much? Because he could see that a persons one problem wasn't just one problem, they were all linked. It was all of their life and how they had dealt with the problems they face is what defines them.

What it made me realise was this, having to go through having cancer made me re-visit every other bad thing that has ever happened to me. I was blaming myself, putting myself down and not getting past anything.

I think this is why I have been struggling with moving on. Because I never really have moved on from the previous life crap that I should have already dealt with (sorry past me!!).
So I will write it all down. Learn those lessons and use them to move one. To move forwards.

So even if he is a bit un-orthodox, Tony Robbins really does have some serious strength in lifting people up and making them see past there problems and that is a truly wonderful thing!

Friday, 22 July 2016

Organic Balm Company // R.A.H Facial Serum


I love roller balls, I love skincare, so its a no brainer that I love applying The Organic Balm Company's R.A.H Facial Serum by rolling it all over my face. It is like a mini massage whilst applying this dry oil onto my face and my skin loves it!

I have noticed a huge difference when using this oil, my skin is very dry, even in summer. So adding this light weight dry oil under my moisturiser has been great. It sinks in, my skin is velvety to the touch and I feel plump all day. If i just want to be minimal with my skin care then it is a roll over Angela Langford's Angel eyes, you guest it, under my eyes and then a few extra swirls of the R.A.H Serum over my face, done.

The Organic Balm Company even have a perfectly fitting tag line for their fab facial serum, as they say it "helps restore skin back to its beautiful self again". I completely, whole-heartedly agree with them!

I honestly feel this serum calms and softens my skin, whilst giving it a subtle radiance. Because it is not a heavy or thick formula, I have never broken out. I have used this little roller ball for over 4 months and it is only just nearing the end. That is with applying it without fail every morning and evening. That is pretty good going for 10mls of product and at £24 pounds, I'd say that is pretty good value. It's a great price for a little bit of luxury.

I like my application to be quick and un-fussy, I love the the combination of Argan Oil, Rosehip Oil, Hemp Seed Oil and Frankincense Oil. The oil it's self has a very gentle scent, which I prefer as heavy scent can give me a headache. I would say you can smell the argan and hemp a bit over the other oils. So it is very un-obtrusive in my opinion.

Here is what they say:

A powerful synergy of luxurious organic oils with exceptional anti-aging properties blended specifically to help promote cellular regeneration, rehydration and improve elasticity of mature skin. It can also be used to nourish small dry patches on the body. It contains our signature blend of Rosehip, Argan and Hemp seed oil with just a touch of Frankincense
Smooth Rollerball over cheek, brow and chin bone. With light circular movements, massage serum into skin with finger tips. Can be enjoyed morning and evening instead of moisturizer or as an enhancement to your daily beauty regimen.

*Argania Spinosa Kernel (Argan) Oil *Rosa Canina (Rosehip) Fruit Oil Seed Oil *Cannabis Sativa (Hemp) Seed Oil  *Boswellia Carterii (Frankincense) Oil*Organic **Constituent of essential Oil

Have you got a favourite facial oil or serum? I'd love to know!
If you know of any other natural products that come in roller ball form, then please tell me!

Monday, 18 July 2016

Making the compromise for the life you want

In our life we will all have to make a constant stream of choices. Many of them are going to result in making compromises. I'm okay with compromise, especially since things a seeming to work out at the moment (dont worry I've touch a bit of wood, just in case). I have been finding it hard to find part time work in a corporate or office environment and to be honest I didn't really want to be working in that environment anymore, but I felt that was my only option.

I wrote a post about following my intuition and sticking to your guns , I'm not going to lie getting rejection after rejection was beginning to get me down and I just felt crap. Why was I also second in the running? Why wasn't I the strongest candidate, even though they said they liked me. So I have enough, I want to put myself first, that was why I had time off in the first place. So started to think outside the box.

At 30 some people might recoil at the thought of working in retail after a long break from it (no one should be a job snob anyway!). But not me, the job offers me the hours I need, I somehow managed to get out of working weekends and I can walk to work. So I'll be getting in some exercise before my shift has even started. Working part time will offer me some income to pay the bills and essentials, it means that I can exercise, it means that I then have time to focus on where I'm heading.

Right now I seem to be combining everyone of my interests, I'm studying Facial Rejuvenation Massage and loving it! (but trying to remember all the bones and muscles in the face is hard). I have recently started working freelance from home (THE DREAM) within the wellness publishing industry, which is what I have enjoyed in the past.....just not the long commute and stressful job role.

This has all been made possible my making the compromise and looking towards the end goal. I'm not letting the future over whelm me. I'm just make steps towards what I want. Do I want to work in a discount store for the rest of my life?short answer, no. But it is a means to an end and takes the financial stress away. It was also the only job interview where I wasn't asked about my time off, my hospital appointments and I didn't feel pressured into having to inform them that I've had cancer. Which is really refreshing in itself.

Compromise. It doesn't have to mean that you are getting the short straw in life. It can be the building blocks of how you can get to where you want to be!

So lets go for it!

Thursday, 7 July 2016

Balm Balm Hibiscus Face Mask

The Hibiscus Face Mask by Balm Balm is one of the prettiest masks that I have had the pleasure of putting on my face. With it's wonderfully simple ingredient list of brown rice powder, rose geranium oil and ground hibiscus, it has become a firm favourite in my beauty cabinet.

The masks comes in powder form, in a cute little yellow 40g pot. I find that the powder form allows you to get many applications and you can really adjust how much of the mask you want to apply. I find there is less waste involved, compared to say a pre-made mask in a tube. Or is it just me who always ends up squeezing out way too much!

When combined with a liquid, the powder mask becomes a beautiful light pink paste.You can mix the powder with water or perhaps your favourite floral water, you can also experiment with mixing it with a tiny amount of oil to create a non drying mask. You will still get the benefits of the gentle exfoliation and brightening from the rice powder, it just makes it much more moisturising. I think its a great all in one mask. I have really gotten into using this mask because of how much you can customise it. Sometimes I want a drying mask, sometimes my skin needs something even gentler and a non setting mask does the trick.

I like to leave the mask on for at least 15 minutes, it removes easily adding to extra exfoliation when washed off. My skin always looks brighter and more refined. For me this really does the job and because I can customise it to my needs, it makes it a great item to have. Especially as I am trying to create a minimal, multi-functional skincare stash.

Priced at £9.50 makes this fab mask affordable for a repurchase and with a company like Balm Balm I know that I am getting great quality 100% organic ingredients..... what more could a girl want?!

What's you favourite mask of the moment? Do you have one that you find yourself always going back to?

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

It's weight loss time

It is time to admit that I am not happy with my weight.
I have been annoying nearest and dearest, complaining and blaming it on Tamoxifen. Yes, it does make it harder to loose weight and puts my body into a state of believing it is older, a chemical menopause. My oestrogen cannot be used (so oestrogen cannot attach to breast cancer cells that may be floating around in my boobs) and this causes the side effects that I have been feeling.

For the first time I am able to admit that I have been fighting off what I can describe as falling into depressive state and I think that is the main cause of this has been the fatigue and the weight gain. I feel unattractive and also feel worried health wise. I need to loose the weight. Even being slightly over weight and having extra fat means that the tamoxifen has to work harder to limit the estrogen that is produced my the extra fat from interfering with what the medicine is doing.

It's only been a small while but I have found it extremely easy to fall into the cycle of letting myself be tired because I know that tamoxifen makes me feel tired. Being completely honest, I have got to the point where I don't know if I am know starting to self perpetuate the fatigue. Getting to the point that I just want to sleep and rest when I have not really done anything. I need this to stop

I'm hoping that by posting this I can push myself forward or maybe look back at this when I have not got off my arse and read this words and get a move on. I have been eating well, adding exercise has to be the answer.

I cant continue to hide behind the tamoxifen blame and not try to do something about it. Once I have tried to do something about it and look at the results, that is when I can say what are side effects and what I have been doing to myself.

So here goes;

Since last August 2015 I have gained over a stone and currently weigh 11.8 (while also holding my camera it's more like 11 stone, 7 pounds and 4 ounces but who is counting?!!). It is mainly all around my mid section and at 5ft7 I am just below having a high BMI and I can notice it. I'm not shaming anyone who weighs more or less than me. I just remember how I felt and looked a stone lighter. I was much happier all round and felt really good about myself. Maybe when I am feeling more confident I will post a full body pic, but don't hold your breath for it!

So, I need to up my exercise and continue with the healthy eating. I will try to document it the best I can. I want to do it slowly and make it sustainable. I'm also looking to find exercises that don't irritate my arm, after the operation everything is very tight and my pectoral muscle is still recovering from have a portion of it removed.

If anyone has any handy tips, favourite recipes or exercises, then please let me know!

Monday, 20 June 2016

Fushi // Cold Pressed Organic Jojoba Oil

Cold Pressed
Smooth as silk and a dream to use
My ultimate favourite, never be without it, don't leave me ever, face, body, hair, beauty oil!I'm looking at you Fushi Jojoba Oil!

Right, lets be honest you can buy Jojoba Oil (Simmondsia californica) from a lot of different companies, in a variety of oil quality and varying price points. As an oil Jojoba is my go to. It does irritate my eyes and is able to get ride of all my eye make up. Its a great frizz tamer and works really well as a shaving oil. And, of course as a standard moisturiser. It is so easily absorbed into the skin. I do like my Rosehip for the face but when in doubt, I stick with Jojoba. It is rich in Vitamin E and helps to prevent and treat fine lines, it also offers enough slip to give a lovely face massage - which I have been practicing a lot lately.

For £14.50 Fushi gives you 100ml of the silkiest Jojoba oil I have ever used. I'm near to the end of my bottle and because it's such a fab multi-tasker I will be allowing myself to repurchase it, even though I am still unemployed. It was keep me going in many areas or my beauty and skin care regime.

To me it has become an essential, as I'm sure it has to many others. Sure you can invest in other oils and I have tried a few. However I always go back to Jojoba oil. It can do no wrong in my eyes. It's also a great oil to start experimenting with if you are a newbie to green beauty and a worthwhile investment if you are interested in downsizing your beauty stash to a more minimal collection - which I am currently in the process of doing.

Does anyone else love Jojoba as much as do? How do you use yours?
Do you like keeping is simple?
What is always in you stash and you cant bear to run out of it?

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Have Hope. Be Brave. Live Life.

Being completely honest I am a broken record.
You may decide to play me and it seems to be going alright. The beat picks up, you are enjoying the melody and then it skips a beat and your heart stops. The record sounds all wrong and it jumps and scratches. You decide not to try and play it for a while because you don't like what you hear. But you miss the melody, you want to feel the beat, so you try again and again. But the record jumps back to the shit bits. The record is damaged, it can't be repaired.

It's time to buy a new one. You can't exactly throw the old one away, it will forever be part of your collection. You will give in to the emotional pull at times when you want to dust off the record cover and have a look at it. Intently examining the vinyl for the damage you always hear. But you can't see it and no one else will be able to see it. They might dismiss it, but you know it is there.

Sometimes it is best to not play it for anyone else, they are fed up of hearing the needle skip a beat, the hate hearing it on repeat. And after a while you become fed up of it to. So for nostalgia's you keep the record in your collection. It's hard to stop playing it over and over but you have to make a choice. You have the option to get a new one and it is totally up to you.

I have been a proverbial broken record for well over eight months. I say I'm okay and I'm not. I feel no one understands me but I hate having to try and explain it to them. I like to stay honest but I feel like when I am some of those asking me don't really want to hear it. So I Just don't tell them.
I hate having to remind people of what has happened, but sometimes it feels like I have to. I need to, to explain how and why I feel how I do. It's a cycle that I don't like to get it, so I often avoid it.

No one wants to hear a broken record.
As time moves on for others, they don't like hearing what they feel like is old news. Even if it is still present for you. It's a hard choice to make and often difficult to accept.

There comes a time when you have to;

Have hope
Be Brave
Live Life.

I recently passed one year since my diagnosis. And I'm not going to lie the run up to it has been hard. It was recently explained to me that commonly, the first anniversary of anything is big and often affects an individual emotionally and mentally. Especially when it comes to grief and trauma. I really appreciated that I wasn't being told not to worry or having someone tell me that it happened a long time ago.
It was just an explanation that it's normal.

Sometimes I get stuck in the past and that leads me to worry about the future. What I have recently been trying to do is think of right now. What can I do right now.
It makes it a lot easier to deal with. I know it will be hard and there will be down moments, but I am going to be making a massive effort to move on and get back to feeling well again.

So what I'm going to do right now is this
Drink a green tea
Have Hope
Eat some turmeric
Be Brave
Wear my favourite perfume
Live Life

Thursday, 19 May 2016

When you have to stick to your guns

Sticking to your guns is essentially the same as following your own intuition.

It also leads on from that first thought that pushed you along the way to making a change. Sticking to your guns after making a decision that was born from intuition can be really hard.
Feelings and emotions are invisible, especially if you keep them locked up inside.
That is another thing all together, but relevant here when it is hard to convey to someone how you are feeling. Sometimes other people, no matter how close they are to you, cannot grasp the emotions you are dealing with. They are invisible to those around you.

Sticking to your guns takes inner strength and for you to start understanding your own self worth. First and fore most you must value yourself.
Value yourself enough to do what is truly best for you.

When do we stop doing what is expected of us and what we are being told to do? Even when we know that path is not right, that decision being made on our behalf, has none of our thought in it at all. It is not what is best for you.

In today's society a job is integral, money is essential (you don't need a lot but you do need some to get by) and your social standing is linked to what you do in your 9-5. For the past 7 and half years I have worked full time in varied roles. In those roles I have always found it hard to maintain a good work life balance.
That is what I want now.
That is what I am sticking to my guns for.

Here's the story;

I have been taking tamoxifen for ten months now. The drug inhibits my oestrogen from allowing oestrogen receptor cells from feeding cancer cells that might want to grow again. So I take it, reluctantly. It causes you to gain weight really easily and it is extremely hard to loose (not just my thoughts, my cancer nurse confirmed this). hot flushes, night sweats and mood swings are common and I have been experiencing horrendous menstrual cycles. I just generally feeling like I'm 80, the medication has left me feeling tired every single day.

Tamoxifen, causes fatigue and joint pain.
Exercise helps reduce fatigue.
Exercise now hurts my joints and it takes me ages to recover from even 15 minutes exercise.
Exercise would allow me to have better health and loose weight.
Tamoxifen makes me feel shit, tried and unmotivated.

I'm guessing that you can already see that I can easily get in a bad cycle or not doing anything, purely because of the side effects. Even though I know how to help myself. I find it really hard to do ......just being completely honest.

I want to work. But I want it to be part time. Part time will mean that I can exercise and have time to recuperate. A part time job will mean that I have time to cook healthy whole food focused meals. Part time with give me the work life balance that I long for.

At the beginning of May I decided that it was time to start properly looking for a job. That job would be part time, that was my only requirement. I applied for a role that was part time and matched my skill set. The role happened to be advertised through a recruitment agency, so when the agency asked me to visit them, I happily agreed and looked forward to the possibility of a new job.

At the agency they really pushed for me to apply for a full time role at a large corporate company. Yes the pay was very good and it was a temp contract. Perfect. I could work full time for a bit.

At the interview it became apparent that the company were looking for someone who was willing to work on a temp contract but would stay if it were to become permanent after 3 months time. I honestly couldn't work there knowing that they would be hoping for me to be permanent, training me and then I would leave because I had always known that I would.

The company had good benefits, a fantastic reputation in it's field, but was also extremely strict and verging on archaic on what a woman should wear in an office environment. That being, a dress. No exceptions. This is a hell no for me. I only wear dresses at weddings or when on a very hot holiday. I do not feel myself in them and i don't like that in 2016 a grown woman is being told that she much wear a dress at all times. It's ridiculous.  This might seem petty to some. I don't mind wearing a uniform, but I do have my limits. And being told that I must wear a dress everyday is mine. I never felt that I was corporate worker any way. It should be acceptable to wear trousers, whatever gender. I was also be pushed into something that I had adamantly said I didn't want.

So I retracted my application.

It felt good sticking to my guns, even in this economy when some would say that you cant turn down a job. You must have a job. work. work. work.

But for what?

Even thought it is scary.
Even though I have not found a job yet
Even though I have no idea what i'm doing

At least I know that i finally doing something for my own benefit. Not to please anyone elses expectations or worry about the opinions of other's. This is to make sure that I have create a sustainable work life balance that works well for me, not just working for the benefit of someone else.

Here's to sticking to your guns.
Even if you have no idea where it will lead you!

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Angela Langford // Angel Eyes Nourishing Eye Oil

This beautiful piece of eye rejuvenating wonderfullness was gifted to me by Angela Langford herself. We had a quick discussion about my eye needs and that I had been on the look out for a product with a roller ball applicator. I was looking for something that would hydrate and help to reduce my dark circles.

Angela suggested her Angel Eyes nourishing Eye Oil, and I am so glad that she did!

This has worked wonders for my dark under eye circles, they are not completely gone but I have noticed that they have reduced in their purple tone. It feels extremely refreshing to use due to the cucumber oil it's nourishing formula which also contains rosehip oil and argan oil. The oils texture is really light and settles really well into my skin. It has not caused any inflammation or puffiness. I do like to occasionally put on a cream textured eye treatment over the top of the oil when my under eyes are feeling particaularily dry. As we get into spring, I have not had to this as much and I think this is just down to preference.

I love applying this day and night, the roller ball action when applying makes it quick, fun and easy, it's also a plus that you don't have to put your fingers in the oil to apply it! The scent is so light and fresh with a hint of cucumber that is not over powering and fades a while after application.

The oil sinks into the under eye area quickly and I have found it to be a good base for my concealer, keeping it looking fresh throughout the day. For £19.50 you get 10mls of oil, I have been using this day and night since December last year and I have just reached the half way point. I will be repurchasing this as soon as I near running out it. In my opinion it is too good to be with out it.

Has this product given me angel eyes? I don't know about that, but it is certainly heavenly to use! (sorry, I couldn't help it!)

Here is what they say:

"Suitable for all but the most sensitive of skins, this is your recipe to treat the delicate skin around your beautiful eyes."

Cooling cucumber is carefully blended with argan & rosehip to create a specialist eye oil that repairs & smooths the delicate skin around your eyes.
Gently massage the roller ball around your eye area once or twice to dispense the right amount of oil.
You can use this in the morning & again at night.
Do not use this product if you feel you may be allergic to any of the ingredients. Store this oil out of direct light & in a cool place to prolong its shelf life.

Cucumber is rich in omega 6 essential fatty acids (linoleum acid), oleic acid, palmitic acid, minerals (including potassium & silica), tocopherols & phytosterols. It can help stimulate cell regeneration & retains moisture in the skin. It is also a well-known remedy to help reduce dark under eye circles & skin pigmentations - it softens & hydrates the skin & is ideal for dry, sensitive & mature skin types.
Argan is nourishing & can help strengthen skin’s elasticity. Rosehip is an amazingly versatile oil – healing, calming, skin strengthening & mild & gentle. Safflower (also known as thistle) contains really high levels of skin loving omega 6 & it is very nourishing & quickly & easily absorbed into the skin.

cucumis sativus oil (cucumber oil), argania spinosa kernel oil* (argan oil), rosa rubginosa seed oil* (rosehip oil), carthamus tinctorius seed oil* (safflower oil, also known as thistle), tocopherol (natural vitamin e), citrus limon peel oil* (lemon essential oil), pelargonium graveolens leaf oil* (rose geranium essential oil), cymbopogon martinii oil* (palmarosa essential oil).
From essential oils: d-limonene, linalol, citronellol, geraniol, citral, farnesol.
*These ingredients are organic at source.
Contains 100% natural ingredients, 56% of which are organic at source.

So now that I declared my love for this products, have you got any loves from Angela's collection to share with me? I'd love to know!

Wednesday, 4 May 2016

When intuition pays off

There will come a time, probably many times in your life when you have to trust your gut.
Or, to put it more eloquently, to follow and trust your own intuition.

 Intuition, a phenomenon of the mind, describes the ability to acquire knowledge without inference or the use of reason. The word "intuition" comes from Latin verb intueri translated as consider or from late middle English word intuit, "to contemplate".

Let me take you back to October 2015, I had finished my radiotherapy treatment and continued to work all the way through it. I had promised myself that I would let myself make change. That change was a career change, I had been in the same job for four years, for at least one of which i had wanted to leave. But due to adult things like a mortgage and then getting diagnosed with Cancer, meant that I felt like I should stay in the same place suring treatment. My employer was understanding and supportive. So I stayed.

At the beginging of October I honoured my own wishes, for what felt like in the first in forever and I handed in my notice. Very quickly, to my delight I found a job that was within the field I am interested in and excites me. I felt a fresh wave of change wash over me and it felt good. I aced the interview, I got the job and Start date, January 2016. New Year, New start.

Looking back, I know now that I became so focused on this new job, this new career that I felt like this was my chance to be successful. It was my time, I had been through some shit and now it was the time to step up. I was putting way to much unnecessary pressure on myself. It was me doing this, no one else.

I was good at the job, there were aspects that I enjoyed and I didn feel like making a change was right for me. But the day to day was relentless. You were only as good as your last action, there was no let up. I found that I didn't want to be in such a highly powered, target driven job.  So I chose to leave without finishing the probation period. I left on a good note, with honesty and intregrty, both of which are very important to me.

My parents have brought me up to have an extremly good work ethic, so when I came to actively choosing to be unemployed and leaving a job after such a sort time, it felt so un natural.
I felt like a failure. That I was a failure.

I have struggled with this feeling of failure for a couple of months. I knew I left for me and my own happiness, the companies vibes wasn't right and I just didn't feel comfortable. But I still felt like I had left something good to soon. But what would have been the point? I would have worked myself into the ground and for what? A pay check?
I am fortunate that I have been able to have some savings (save 10% of your wages people!) so I wasn't going to be without financial support (my own).  So I chose myself, my own wellness and did what was best for me. I was afraid of what people would think of me.

Recently, I have found out that I made the right choice. I have learned from this not to care what people think of my actions. Even if those people are parents, even if they dont intitally agree. There comes a time when you have to make your own choices that might rub people the wrong way. As long as these life choices are not illegal, harming yourself or another person and they will make you happier in the long run, then do it!


I know now that about a month and a half after I chose the leave, I would have very likely been let go from the company. So in the long run, even if it may not have felt like it at the time. I made the right choice. My intuition, my beautiful, wonderful gut feeling, led me to the right decision. It was screaming at me and I followed it.

If I hadnt acted on it?

I would most likely be unemployed right now -  I am un-employed anyway, but by my own choice. Not someone else's.
I would have had to work to the bone -  I have had two luscious months off.
I would have had a shit 30th - I turned 30 calm and happy and had a great joint party with my Husband!
I wouldn't have been able to enjoy my party -  I was able to make some awesome giant tassel decorations and had the whole weekend to party and spend time with family and friends. If I had stayed, I would of had to work that weekend and not able to focus on the fun to be hand.

so the moral of the story? DO IT!

If it feels right. It is right,

Intuition pays off.

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Aurelia Probiotic Skincare // Cell Revitalise Day Moisturiser

When I was in the throws of wanting to treat ones self during recovery, I took myself to Space NK and splurged. I wanted a moisturiser that would feel luxe and do a wonderful job at keeping my skin plump and hydrated.

So I choose Aurelia Skincare and their Cell Revitalise Day Moisturiser to be my splurge. The British brand is focused on  combining bio-organic botanical formulations with probiotic technology to manage inflammation, a main cause of skin ageing. The cream is medium in texture and suitable of all skin types, including sensitive.

It has been the only time that I have spent £52 on a face cream and being honest, it is lovely. The blend of Jasmine, Mandarin, Plumeria and Tuberose (my fave scent, Organic Pharmacy has perfume that is on my wish list!) makes you feel like you are at the end of a spa treatment. It is also one of the most heavenly scented face creams I have used. I was apprehensive that it might irritate my skin, but I found the the scent did not linger too long after application and my skin was kept hydrated throughout the day.
This was probably down to this cream being a power house of divine botanicals:

BAOBAB - Omega rich ‘super fruit’
HIBISCUS - Antioxidant rich ‘nature’s Botox
ALOE VERA - Soothes & softens the skin
MONGONGO OIL - Vit E and fatty acids  for restructuring & regenerating
KIGELIA AFRICANA - Firming properties

My main criteria for my skincare is to re-hydrate my dry skin (mainly due to hormonal tamoxifen side effects) and maintain moisture levels, to be kind to my sensitive skin and have a focus of Anti-Aging (anti-aging is not a word I like, I just want to age well and my skin to have a good texture).

The only thing I noticed was that by about 5pm a few tiny dry patches would start to appear around my chin and mouth. This was even with a facial oil underneath the cream. The dryness is the bane of my life at the moment!

Now, would I buy this again? I'm not sure, perhaps only due to the price. It is very dear and as I am currently between jobs I would not purchase it again right now. I would certainly love to receive it as a gift for birthdays or Christmas. I still want to try other face creams, it has not left me thinking I've found the one. But it is a lovely, yummy one, all the same! If you are looking for a green beauty luxe, that will feel like a daily treat. This is a great brand to try.

What is in it? (A hella lot!)
Aqua/Water (purified water), Aloe barbadensis leaf extract (Aloe Vera), Bifida ferment lysate (probiotic culture), Butyrospermum parkii (Shea butter), Cocoglycerides (emollient from coconut oil), Glycerin (vegetable glycerine), Glyceryl stearate SE (natural triglycerides & emulsifier), Lactose (probiotic bifidoculture milk extract), Lactis proteinum/Milk protein (probiotic protein), Coco-caprylate (coconut based emollient), Cetearyl alcohol ( vegetable based thickener), Rhus verniciflua peel wax (Berry wax), Borago officinalis seed oil (Borage oil), Rosa damascena oil (Rosehip oil), Argania spinosa kernel oil, Prunus armeniaca (apricot) kernel oil, Kigelia Africana fruit extract (botanical Kigelia Africana), Hibiscus sabdariffa flower extract (Hibiscus flower), Adansonia digitata fruit extract (Botanical Baobab), Citrus nobilis peel oil (Mandarin essential oil), Helianthus annuus seed oil (Sunflower oil), Jasminum officinale flower extract (Jasmine essential oil), Plumeria acutifolia flower extract (Plumeria essential oil), Polianthes tuberose flower extract (Tuberose essential oil), Schinziophyton Rautanenii kernel oil, Sodium ascorbyl phosphate, Panthenol, Tocopheryl acetate, Lauroyl lysine, Xanthan gum (natural based stabiliser), Sodium stearoyl glutamate (vegetable derived emulsifier), Sodium phytate (natural origin), Glyceryl caprylate (coconut-derived emulsifier), Benzyl alcohol (preservative), Dehydroacetic acid (preservative) , Citric acid (fruit derived pH regulator), Limonene*, Linalool*, Benzyl benzoate*
*naturally occurring in essential oil

*F.Y.I  Aurelia Skincare are Cruelty Free

Have you tried anything by Aurelia? Let me know what you think!

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Dear Liz

Dear Liz,

Being really honest here, things are not quite right are they? Obviously they are not. If they were I would not be on the internet figuratively talking to you (myself) in a letter for all to see. I'm doing it because I want to put it all out there in this space I have created and have some what been neglecting,wellmeaningbeing. It helps me be a better person, it brings me support and solace. I've not been writing because I have not felt whole.
I wasn't sure what to write, so I am writing this......

What you have been struggling with is not just the fact that you were 28 and had cancer growing inside you. It's the fact that you had just about got your shit together and was living a very healthy lifestyle, feeling good in yourself and all the work you had been putting in to creating a better self, had been paying off, it was visible, tangible. You were a good weight for your height, you were in a good place mentally and you were gearing up for a good year.

Then the short lived shit storm came along and left as quickly as it had started. It was over so quickly, it was so short and sweet in the chaos it caused and it often feels like a bad dream. The scar has healed, it is fading, the physical pain is subsiding. It's six months after the operation and something has stayed behind.

It's not physical.
It's a thought.

Quite often the same questions come to the fore front of your mind.

Whats the point?

What is the point in trying to lead  healthy lifestyle again. Especially when you ended up getting cancer even though you were leading an healthy lifestyle in the first place?

Here is the truth....

You have been over eating, not exercising and not caring.

Right now, you do not care enough about yourself.

But I want you to know that I have had enough.

Yes, there is a pretty good chance of getting it again.
 But you cant wallow and worry about it all . the . time.
The fear is real, it is valid.
The fear you feel needs to be recognised and faced

SO, what's the point?

The point is this, you have to keep living well.
You need to look after yourself.
Living well doesn't give you any guarantees that it will be okay, it doesn't mean you wont become unwell again. There are no guarantees.

But I do know that living well and fully participating in your own health and wellbeing, is worth it. Whatever the outcome.
Because the short term and long term benefits far out way whatever may come your way in the future. A future that is unknown.
You are focusing too much on the bigger picture. I want you to be well in yourself, that can be in your control and you can live that way everyday.

Day by day, little by little you can make each day better.

I want you to feel good in a couples of months. I want you to feel like your old self. I want you to eat better, stay hydrated and exercise more. You need to stay active. You need to fight the fatigue that the Tamoxifen has left you with.

Because there is a point.
You are here.
You got through it.
There is no time like the present. Please don't waste it. Feel better about yourself. Look after yourself. You only get one body. You have a better reason then most to get back your fitness and get back to a good state of wellbeing.
This important.
Make each day count.

Most importantly, I love you.

Yours truly,


Saturday, 9 January 2016

Beauty // Pai Rosehip BioRegenerate Oil

I feel like I see everyone with an interest in green skincare has a well loved bottle of Pai's Rosehip BioRegenerate Oil. 

As you can see mine has been well used and for good reason. It has become a staple in my skincare routine and I have been loving it. I love the texture, the scent and the results I get when I use it regularly. I had tried a few cheaper alternatives before I purchased a bottle from Pai. At £22, its not out of many people's budget, seeing as it does last a long time, it has a long self life.
I often try a cheaper product first, especially when its a new ingredient and I want to test it out. I dont know if that seems redundant, but I always look for affordable products that offer results. If I'm not satisfied, I go up on price a bit. I'm really glad I purchased this after about a year of thinking about it! - I kid you not (I was keen on using products up before I brought anything new)

I feel that this bottle is great value, because I can use it in many ways. During Summer this is all I put on my face after cleansing and toning and of course..... an eye cream (my fave). During Autumn I noticed that the oil on it's own was not enough to prevent the dry patches I can get around my mouth and one my cheeks. I have dryer skin now that I am taking tamoxifen (it causes menopause type side effects). But I know I that I have had dry- combination skin before, so it is not a massive deal.

Come Winter, I have gotten in the habit of massaging a few drops of the oil into my skin. I do this whilst my toner or face spritz is still damp and then let it sink in to the skin for a few minutes. I will finish with a thin layer of face cream and I'm good to go, my skin stays hydrated for a lot longer. I have been doing this day and night for about five 4 months and I see this working for me well into the Spring.

What's key, for me at least, is that my skin likes thin layers and only a couple. When I whack loads on, or perhaps layer 3-4 products etc, my skin cant handle it, it takes ages to absorb. In the mornings, I cant be doing with that. So Quality and reliability are key.

At night, if I want more of a treat, I will put more of the Pai Rosehip oil on my skin and let it do its magic. I don't put any other cream on top. I dont mind if I am an extra glowy for an hour before bed, especially when I wake up with calm, plump, soft skin.

I often add one drop of the orange elixir to my foundation or tinted moisuriser and it provides a soft glow, while sheering out my base giving a really natural look. It also adds more hydration to a foundation that you may find drying, but love the coverage.

Here's what Pai say:

  • Refines appearance of damaged skin and fine lines.
  • High levels of Omegas help regenerate skin without causing irritation.
  • Unique, highly concentrated blend of Rosehip fruit and seed oil.
  • Skin Type: All Skin Types

    Rosehip BioRegenerate Oil is the ultimate multi-tasker. With regular use, it conditions the skin, improving firmness and elasticity.
    Its high concentrations of essential nutrients feed the skin, restoring it to its clearest, healthiest and most vibrant condition.
    Omegas 3, 6, 7 & 9 fuel the skin’s natural functions and smooth its surface. Potent antioxidants in the form of carotenoids repair and protect the skin against environmental damage.
    For a more concentrated, effective treatment – we blend Rosehip seed oil with Rosehip fruit oil, which contains five times the carotenoids and twice the regenerative sterols.
    Can be used for: dull skin, damaged skin, blemishes, scars, stretch marks, sun damage, age spots, or fine lines.

    Have you tried it? I think I will always have it on standby, even when trying something else.
    Got any facial oil recommendations that you want to share?

    Let me know! x

    Monday, 4 January 2016

    Project Pan: No Buy

    Almost two years or so ago I wrote about my own attempt at a Project Pan. I took a make-up inventory and laid it all out there.

    In March 2014, I had in total 138 Products, which were:
    Blusher 17
    Eyebrows products 3
    Lip liners 4
    Single Eyeshadows 22
    Small Eyeshadow palettes 9
    Large Eye Shadow palettes 4
    Concealer 8
    Bronzer 8
    Mascara 8
    Setting Powder 2
    Lip products 25
    Eye Pencils 18/ 5 black
    Liquid/Gel liners 3
    Primers 2
    Highlighters/Illuminaters 2
    BB Cream/Foundations 3

    After a major decultter I got down to 90 products, which then easily grew to back up to 100.

    As of today, I have 73 makeup products.

    Yes, 73. This is still a hell of a lot of make-up! I'm not a makeup artist or full time beauty blogger, so I'm not completely comfortable with the amount still in my collection.

    So this is what I have now:
    Blusher 6
    Eyebrows products 3
    Lip liners 1
    Single Eyeshadows 13
    Eye Shadow palettes 9
    Concealer 7
    Bronzer 3
    Mascara 3
    Setting Powder 2
    Lip products 5
    Eye Pencils 7
    Gel Eye Liners 3
    Eye Primer 1
    Face Primers 2
    Highlighters 3
    BB Cream/Foundations 3
    Setting Powder 0
    Finishing powder 2

    I hope to get this amount down to 45-50 by the end of the year. I also am not totally cruelty free yet as I am still using up some concealers (two of wish are nearly finished!). I hope that by the end of the 2016 I will have accomplished that goal. As you can see this has been a long project. Which has not been helped by me buying more beauty products then I needed because I wanted to swap my make-up to green beauty products, like yesturday.

    The problem is that I have not had the best luck with the the green make-up side of things, I will still try out products, but it is time to use stuff up and get a great replacement. For me if that means if it is cruelty free but not as green as I had previously bee looking for, I'm okay with that.

    I don't want to be checking every five minutes if my make-up has disappeared of my face or is my mascara has crumbled off. As for skincare I am completely green and cruelty, so I feel that I am balanced. It wont work for someone else. But I good with that.

    So how am going to use up all my stuff?

    I'm on a serious no buy. I wont buy a replacement product until I have used up all of items category. For example, I have 7 concealers. Once one has been used up, I move onto the next one and so on. If a make-up product reaches it's expiry date that still counts. I will be doing the same thing with my skincare. To keep me motivated I already have a wish list in the making. Full of inspiration from fellow bloggers and window shopping. I'm not allowed to buy any of it until I have used up a category. And what I do buy must replace that category. Do you see where I'm going with this?

    There is a mix of green beauty and what I would call convention cruelty free make-up items.

    I don't want to be keeping make-up for just in case!

    I got the habit of saving a product or trying to make sure I wouldn’t use t up because I loved it so much. Now I realise that is stupid as make-up goes off and I use it up, I will allow myself to buy another one and perhaps a back up, if I have loved it that much!

    So in the end I've not made much of a dent, I was really reserved when buying things in 2014 and then I started a buying frenzy again in early 2015! So that's how I got here, the later months have not seen many splurges.

    I have a new sense of contentment. I have enough to get on with and am able create plenty of looks and I want to use it up before the majority of my make-up collection expires.

    Waste not want not!

    I'll let you know how I get on!