Tuesday, 28 June 2016

It's weight loss time

It is time to admit that I am not happy with my weight.
I have been annoying nearest and dearest, complaining and blaming it on Tamoxifen. Yes, it does make it harder to loose weight and puts my body into a state of believing it is older, a chemical menopause. My oestrogen cannot be used (so oestrogen cannot attach to breast cancer cells that may be floating around in my boobs) and this causes the side effects that I have been feeling.

For the first time I am able to admit that I have been fighting off what I can describe as falling into depressive state and I think that is the main cause of this has been the fatigue and the weight gain. I feel unattractive and also feel worried health wise. I need to loose the weight. Even being slightly over weight and having extra fat means that the tamoxifen has to work harder to limit the estrogen that is produced my the extra fat from interfering with what the medicine is doing.

It's only been a small while but I have found it extremely easy to fall into the cycle of letting myself be tired because I know that tamoxifen makes me feel tired. Being completely honest, I have got to the point where I don't know if I am know starting to self perpetuate the fatigue. Getting to the point that I just want to sleep and rest when I have not really done anything. I need this to stop

I'm hoping that by posting this I can push myself forward or maybe look back at this when I have not got off my arse and read this words and get a move on. I have been eating well, adding exercise has to be the answer.

I cant continue to hide behind the tamoxifen blame and not try to do something about it. Once I have tried to do something about it and look at the results, that is when I can say what are side effects and what I have been doing to myself.

So here goes;

Since last August 2015 I have gained over a stone and currently weigh 11.8 (while also holding my camera it's more like 11 stone, 7 pounds and 4 ounces but who is counting?!!). It is mainly all around my mid section and at 5ft7 I am just below having a high BMI and I can notice it. I'm not shaming anyone who weighs more or less than me. I just remember how I felt and looked a stone lighter. I was much happier all round and felt really good about myself. Maybe when I am feeling more confident I will post a full body pic, but don't hold your breath for it!

So, I need to up my exercise and continue with the healthy eating. I will try to document it the best I can. I want to do it slowly and make it sustainable. I'm also looking to find exercises that don't irritate my arm, after the operation everything is very tight and my pectoral muscle is still recovering from have a portion of it removed.

If anyone has any handy tips, favourite recipes or exercises, then please let me know!

Monday, 20 June 2016

Fushi // Cold Pressed Organic Jojoba Oil

Cold Pressed
Smooth as silk and a dream to use
My ultimate favourite, never be without it, don't leave me ever, face, body, hair, beauty oil!I'm looking at you Fushi Jojoba Oil!

Right, lets be honest you can buy Jojoba Oil (Simmondsia californica) from a lot of different companies, in a variety of oil quality and varying price points. As an oil Jojoba is my go to. It does irritate my eyes and is able to get ride of all my eye make up. Its a great frizz tamer and works really well as a shaving oil. And, of course as a standard moisturiser. It is so easily absorbed into the skin. I do like my Rosehip for the face but when in doubt, I stick with Jojoba. It is rich in Vitamin E and helps to prevent and treat fine lines, it also offers enough slip to give a lovely face massage - which I have been practicing a lot lately.

For £14.50 Fushi gives you 100ml of the silkiest Jojoba oil I have ever used. I'm near to the end of my bottle and because it's such a fab multi-tasker I will be allowing myself to repurchase it, even though I am still unemployed. It was keep me going in many areas or my beauty and skin care regime.

To me it has become an essential, as I'm sure it has to many others. Sure you can invest in other oils and I have tried a few. However I always go back to Jojoba oil. It can do no wrong in my eyes. It's also a great oil to start experimenting with if you are a newbie to green beauty and a worthwhile investment if you are interested in downsizing your beauty stash to a more minimal collection - which I am currently in the process of doing.

Does anyone else love Jojoba as much as do? How do you use yours?
Do you like keeping is simple?
What is always in you stash and you cant bear to run out of it?

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Have Hope. Be Brave. Live Life.

Being completely honest I am a broken record.
You may decide to play me and it seems to be going alright. The beat picks up, you are enjoying the melody and then it skips a beat and your heart stops. The record sounds all wrong and it jumps and scratches. You decide not to try and play it for a while because you don't like what you hear. But you miss the melody, you want to feel the beat, so you try again and again. But the record jumps back to the shit bits. The record is damaged, it can't be repaired.

It's time to buy a new one. You can't exactly throw the old one away, it will forever be part of your collection. You will give in to the emotional pull at times when you want to dust off the record cover and have a look at it. Intently examining the vinyl for the damage you always hear. But you can't see it and no one else will be able to see it. They might dismiss it, but you know it is there.

Sometimes it is best to not play it for anyone else, they are fed up of hearing the needle skip a beat, the hate hearing it on repeat. And after a while you become fed up of it to. So for nostalgia's you keep the record in your collection. It's hard to stop playing it over and over but you have to make a choice. You have the option to get a new one and it is totally up to you.

I have been a proverbial broken record for well over eight months. I say I'm okay and I'm not. I feel no one understands me but I hate having to try and explain it to them. I like to stay honest but I feel like when I am some of those asking me don't really want to hear it. So I Just don't tell them.
I hate having to remind people of what has happened, but sometimes it feels like I have to. I need to, to explain how and why I feel how I do. It's a cycle that I don't like to get it, so I often avoid it.

No one wants to hear a broken record.
As time moves on for others, they don't like hearing what they feel like is old news. Even if it is still present for you. It's a hard choice to make and often difficult to accept.

There comes a time when you have to;

Have hope
Be Brave
Live Life.

I recently passed one year since my diagnosis. And I'm not going to lie the run up to it has been hard. It was recently explained to me that commonly, the first anniversary of anything is big and often affects an individual emotionally and mentally. Especially when it comes to grief and trauma. I really appreciated that I wasn't being told not to worry or having someone tell me that it happened a long time ago.
It was just an explanation that it's normal.

Sometimes I get stuck in the past and that leads me to worry about the future. What I have recently been trying to do is think of right now. What can I do right now.
It makes it a lot easier to deal with. I know it will be hard and there will be down moments, but I am going to be making a massive effort to move on and get back to feeling well again.

So what I'm going to do right now is this
Drink a green tea
Have Hope
Eat some turmeric
Be Brave
Wear my favourite perfume
Live Life