Wednesday, 17 August 2016

One Year Clear


On the 6th of August 2015 I had my first ever operation. It was also an operation that was essentially saving life. It removed the small tumor that would have eventually, if left alone it would have manifested into something much less manageable then what it was when found. And that was scary.

To know that something inside can just turn against you, that some of your cells just don't want to behave is beyond annoying. It's like hang on, are we not all in this together? Why have you got to go fuck it up? Why can't you regenerate properly like the others?

Shit happens.

I've said that I have been down, I have had something hanging over me for a while. I was anxious.
As it has been a year that I had my operation I was due a visit to my lovely surgeon. My scar is twisted and tight some of the muscle has wasted away, I have dents my breast and my scar isn't flat and catches on clothes. It has been suggested that I have a scar revision later in the year. It was during this appointment that I mentioned that I have felt a couple of small lumps in my good breast, the right one. He checked for me to put my mind a ease and then suggested I have an ultrasound and mammogram, as he could feel like too. I wont go into it but there was a moment where they were unsure. And in that moment I relived the panic. I was reminded that I have actually done a a lot of healing.

It was like a massive slap in the face.....a good one. I needed it!

I am actually feeling a lot better, I'm much more comfortable in myself and the dread of that moment, threatened to take it away.

But, then I fortunately I got the all clear. I have to keep an eye out, obviously. I will be for the rest of my life.

But, now I can say that for a whole year, I have been cancer free. And that is an amazing thing.

It is time to move on, this confirmation feels like closure. I'm sure I'll stumble, I'm sure I'll be scared but I can do this. It's taken a full year to process what has gone on. Mentally I am feeling stronger. Dare I say like the old me again?

It is hard to feel happy when you know others are hurting, especially when in the same breathe you hear good news, you know someone else has gotten the bad. I think it is important to stay humble and to always know that you deserve your happiness and just hope that others will get theirs soon.

So here's to good health, wellbeing and happiness! 


2 comments:

  1. It's wonderful news, big hugs to you sweetie xx

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  2. Good to hear you're 1year clear! Fingers crossed for you x

    ReplyDelete